Monday, October 04, 2010

Suicide and the Afterlife Part 1

Suicide and the Afterlife

The pain required to go through with the act of suicide is massive and has immense gravity on the spirit world. Ripples of sadness crash against the Other Place like a tidal waves of sickness. It is a hot button topic here and in the afterlife.

As I type this, I have countless spirits interested and "over my shoulder" both literally and figuratively. This is the most requested topic of the last two years for sure and perhaps since I began. When I worked at the Cafe Margit in Orleans, it would occur at least once a month that I would meet someone contemplating suicide, or someone whom had a family member deceased by their own hand. The answers have always been special for each one, their different circumstances, but the message over all is fairly consistent: it is a sad thing that makes most spirits sad and reverent of the pain the person had to go through. Disgust is rare, as are hate, anger, judgement and snubbing. It is not done to add further pain to the soul, as suicide generally is seen as circumstantial outcome of a nightmare situation. In the few cases of vain suicide they have heard of, such as a revenge suicide to hurt someone, then indeed those negatives are usually seen quite differently.

"Please tell them we don't go to Hell" one spirit says. The worst part of this spirit's suicide was the suffering his family, especially his Mother Jude (Judith, Jude, Judy, June.. Hard to clarify). His name was Patrick. He had auburn hair in his beard and greenish yellow hazel eyes with three flecks between them; his hair had a widow's peak, and sideburns that were usually uneven. He sits at then table with his mother and tries so hard to communicate. The sun once touched his mother on the shoulder while music played a song of his infancy, he wants her to know that was him. He touches her hands and sees her crying, and rarely leaves her side now. The only time to see other family or when he looks for a medium. He points to his throat, then his stomach. To his mother I say, he is okay, and will be perfect soon. He speaks of what happened after he committed suicide in images, words, and emotions that I will try my best to paraphrase.
'i was suddenly in the dark, I knew somehow I wasn't alone, but couldn't see anyone. Above me was what I thought was the moon or dim sun, but as I waited, it grew and grew from a dime to a nickel. I could see a tree branch, so I thought somehow I was in a well or sewer and I had not died. I had dreamed it. I was happy for a while but then I realized I must be dead. I don't know how I figured it out. I don't know how long I was in there. I could hear a woman and a young boy singing and talking about or to me. I smiled at them but couldn't make out what they looked like, too far from me. I thought about my life much and moved around the darkness searching for the Other with me. It was like it was watching me, that feeling. I could hear breathing sounds and I was scared. I felt no hunger or tiredness or thirst. I knew I could get out, but not how. My memory is strange with that place, wrong somehow. Time might have stopped. The place below was big, but wherever I walked or crawled or whatever the light above followed. The young boy was rooting for me to come up but there was no ladder or rope. I remember realizing I had forgotten why I killed myself, just remembering bits of it. Without the complaints of the body now, I was happy. My brain was gone! My spirit was free. The more I realized this, the bigger the light got. What was down there with me, I still don't know. Neither do my kindred spirits who have seen the same thing. We talk together now, helping each other grieve for our life and celebrate our freedom.. We also help each other help our families on Earth. I have love and no pain. They all treat me well, even if some spirits that meet me take time to understand what and why I did. I am sometimes called the suicide by the less compassionate, but they are usually frowned at. I don't pay attention to them because of the overwhelming goodness of this place. When I got out of that hole, I was interested at looking down in the hole. It was so dark and mysterious. I could still hear the breathing. If you find out or if I find out, we will talk again.'

My love goes out to Pat and his family, and I thanked and thank him again for taking time to show me all that amazing imagery.

Next, Sophia Algar. She was shy at first but wanted to persist in communication if I would pass on her message to her children (and grandchildren). "suicide runs in the family, don't be silly, go to the doctor for help." She is't newly dead, as her image is very "high definition" for lack of a better phrase.
Here is her story, paraphrased from her images and words.
'I chose poison because I thought it would be fast and easy and painless but it wasn't. I wasn't educated in chemicals, it wasn't common. My brother M(Mi sound) was the most educated. I stayed in the room for a while, looking at myself dead on the bed. I was like hovering in the room. I watched as lots of people came and took a look at me, I heard them say I was still breathing but that body wasn't me anymore. It was like a stranger. (I want you to know Sophia has a strong latin language accent, even as a spirit, this is not rare to have an accent, I will talk about that later.) Like it was a doll or clothing stuffed with a fake person. My family had already cried all their tears months before I did this. They knew it was coming, but the girls, my girls, cried for a long time after the funeral. Later I saw Mam crying so hard, I tried to comfort her but I wasn't able too. I stayed on Earth for twenty years, but I knew I had to go away at some time. I knew I could come back to Earth anytime. There was a lot my spirit knew once I was dead. Like memories that were blocked, a dream I couldn't remember that suddenly came all back. I punished myself by staying by the side of my family, sometimes in many places at once, listening to their thoughts. I cried, not like we do alive, but a different cry. It's almost worse when you are dead to cry. Every part of you cries and feels emotional pain. I also have much deeper emotions now. I wonder if that is a punishment. After a but over twenty years, which I counted by birthdays of my family.. I love birthdays.. I saw a big light, bright and beautiful and a woman that looked like Santa Maria looked at me from all around the house, following me when I hid from her. I was sure I was going to be punished, but she was crying with me, and held me to her, she was warm! She was a spirit but felt as real to me as a hug from my child when I was alive. Her hair was to her shoulders and brown but shimmered like small pieces of gold. She held me and told me it was ok, that she was glad I finally let her in. She never told me her name but my faith told me who she was, my intuition. Her eyes were a gentle blue. The world became lighter and lighter as she filled it with light and then she was gone and my grandmama was there, my grandpapa, my aunts, my uncles, my cats and the animals from aunt's farm I loved
I cried but happy, so happy! The world was beautiful, a farmland and forest, small cities and towns, bricks and plaster houses.. Some that I had lived in. It was like a dream but very real. It was sunny, gold and warm feeling. My grandmama told me I had punished myself to stay alone. Alinne was there too and she said she watched me with my dead family and always tried to talk to me.. But I could not see them. I go back to Earth every day of Earth time and have new friends, old friends, family, and pets to keep me company and help my family. I regret killing myself, because I would have had more time with my body to travel and do things as human. I would have died and gone faster to the place with my grandmama. I would have less guilt.'

When I asked Sophia about her religion and it's role I her experience.. 'I was taught that suicides go to Hell, but I don't think it made my experience better if I wasn't told that. I would have been angry still.' I also asked her about the mysterious woman.. 'it could be an angel or Santa Maria but I don't think she was like us any way. There was something different.'

I have heard before about people seeing religious figures in the afterlife, but it is usually colored by their religion. I am not saying that this phenomenon is fake by any means.. It is actually very exciting! But I do not posit an explanation for them, nor philosophy, as I think it is a personal journey (religion) and something that we all must figure out ourselves.

Part two will come when I can.