Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The Tower of London

When I was a child of nine or ten, I visited the Tower of London, amongst other amazing places. The juxtaposition of a beautiful prison with a history of nightmares and a museum of wonders baffled me at the same time as the spirits within chilled and amazed me.
Early on I realized that other kids don't see spirits - and as I got older and older, many reacted badly to me speaking about seeing spirits. So I had a strange relationship with spirits. Vacillating between thinking I was nuts and knowing I was seeing incorporeal humans- I kept it mostly to myself and tried to forget a lot of what I saw which disturbed me. Of course, now I know as an adult that trying to forget often makes the memories even deeper. The Tower being one of those places I tried to put into the "forget" category.
I saw as many spirits as I saw tourists on this busy day. People walked right through the spirits every minute - causing the static feeling from this meeting of spirits - the spirits sometimes greatly angered for a moment but returned to their duties. Guards, prisoners, officials, royals, deceased tour guides even - ancient and recent - all going out their days as if time bore no meaning.

So many spirits realized I could see them, and stared back at me. Eyes fixed in contact with mine, stopping their paces and searching my face or form for something. Maybe they were curious, maybe upset, maybe they tried to see what was similar between other mediums and myself? My communications were limited as a child, I can sense emotions and see pictures and sense the sense communications now - whereas as a child I could only hear them clearly when they tried their hardest. Time hones the ability if you focus and experiment. That moment, I felt like crying, I recall. Tens of eyes watching me before going down a set of tight stairs. I don't recall all of them, but let me share what I do remember.
There was a man in fancy red uniform, similar to the modern "Beefeaters" - officially known as Yeoman Warders - only the uniform was a darker red, less intense, and I remember the fancy golden embroidery was more intricate and busy. Some had black uniforms around him, faces hidden behind a blur of dark grey for a reason I've never been able to find out. He had a red beard, extremely well kept, a sceptre/mace, and beautiful blue-green eyes like the colour of shallow tropical waters over white sands. He smiled at me, but also had a severity about him. He tried to speak to me in some strange sounding language I thought must have been Scandinavian or a heavily accented Gaelic, which I found out later in school was Old English when my class learned the Canterbury Tales by Chaucer. (Wonderful stuff if you've never read, hilarious) I remember the first few pages read by the teacher giving me a big smile as I realized it had been what the Yeoman Warder had probably been speaking. Not 100% sure of course, but it fits in many aspects. His tone suggested he was warning me to go, or telling me I was being naughty and should stop, or maybe even asking me what I was doing staring at him lol. He stood in front of a painting or tapestry or something, I forget, but it was easy to stare at him pretending I was admiring the antique artwork. Well I did that too, I'm sure.
Another figure that stuck deep in my mind was a photographer that was dressed oddly. He had long brown, straight, hair and brownish eyes I seem to recall, but his clothes were : a hip length light brown leather jacket with the edges tasseled as if someone had cut out strips of the leather (like you see on stereotypical movies about Native Americans; light blue jeans with turquoise coloured stones on the pocket in a mosaic pattern (can't recall the pattern); leather sandals - with socks!; and a hair band of the same leather. He was taking photos everywhere and didn't notice me as he seemed busy. The camera was very realistic.
Next was a tall woman in tights and a t-shirt. That's all I recall.
The most interesting of the people I saw appeared when the guide came to a real used chopping block for executions. It was a woman in a dark red and black dress, crying incessantly. She had a veil of lace over her face and screamed out in thickly accented (don't know what region of French it'd be) French - "arrĂȘte!" (Stop.) She didn't see me and tried to knock over the block with her small booted foot. As quickly as she appeared, she disappeared. Was it a woman who was executed? Or someone who had spectated the death of a loved one? I don't know but it coloured history for me deeply when it came to executions. No longer was it a two dimensional fact, I felt so sad and horrified whenever it was mentioned. I am glad I can no longer remember the depth of the emotion she exuded, as it haunted me for years after.
Even though there were terrifying moments, it was also fantastic to see the building steeped in history as much as spiritual energy. Were some of the spirits echoes of a horrible situation? Or were they all spirits with thoughts, feelings, and afterlives? I don't know what those echoes or event loops are, but I have seen them, or something that looks a lot like them. I'd have to visit again to get a feel for the place as an adult, when my health permits far in the "maybe" realms.
Have a lovely day, I hope to write again soon.

- Posted using BlogPress

Monday, November 17, 2014

My Questions.

Sorry it's been so long, it wasn't intentional - never is, I do love what I do.

The gift I have, that I think we all have, that sense not yet accepted by the human powers that govern us, is a Gift. All of our senses are gifts. They aren't owed to us, they aren't our right, they are gifts to be cherished and used and grown and understood.

Being such a mocked and shunned sense in so many places makes it a challenge to hone the gift. We walk, arms outstretched in the dark, trying to find what works and what doesn't, sometimes going the wrong way for years and walking further and further away from what does work.

What helps me the most is striving to answer questions. Sometimes I realize I've been asking the wrong questions - sometimes I am disturbed, shocked, by some of them. Spiritual forms aren't likely to answer your questions clearly, or at all, and even when you get an answer - it's like explaining colours to someone who has never seen.

Try asking the scary questions or the questions that make you at least nervous.

Above all, want the answers intensely.

So what are my big questions right now? And know, I do not want to experience any of the answers first hand until I am extensively old and ready to shed the skin. The reason I want to know the answers is to share them, as a human in a human body, with others to alleviate the pain and fear associated with Death. What if you knew what the other side was like? Would it give you freedom to live now without the constant shrouding shadow of oblivion? Should we fear at the same time as wonder? Would you share the answers if they were detrimental to society?

The questions, however, are much less dangerous. I want to share a sample of my questions here:

1. At the moment of true death - that is, when the spirit leaves the body behind completely:
A. What happens to signal the soul to leave the shell? Is it chemical? Is it spiritual? Is it deep in our DNA or is it like plants sensing winter coming? The seed of the soul drops from its chrysalis? Are physical and spiritual closely mated in that process? Or does getting old separate spirit and body? I found a couple answers I will tell you about soon.
B. Are we born to the next world blind and deaf or do we emerge fully developed? Some spirits, I have noticed, take much longer to communicate and manifest to me after their death - why? Is it choice? When a soul emerges, do they have different abilities or the same and like a video game - we "level" what we focus on?
C. How do other spirits know we have died? Some, I understand, watch their loved ones until death.. but I have also seen spirits that were not watching the person in life - know death was near. "Word of Mouth" a spirit next to me says. Answer. Question: What if no one is watching?? Do we cross over the threshold from body to free spirit alone if not watched? The spirit shakes its head in saying "No. Everyone is watched. Tended in the nursery." "Never alone" another says, "love" "joy". How beautiful. How relaxing. I have lived my life always being around spirits, and I have worried about those who weren,t watched.. this is good. I have gotten used to showering, going toilet, sleeping, mating, crying, doing bad and good - all in front of spirits. It's a lot less creepy than it sounds, and they will mostly give you privacy when you need it - turn their attention away from your body and focus on your soul. Otherwise, I'd be a virgin for life - having family members' spirits watching me! Lol. It's a lot more beautiful and comforting and empowering.
D. In the first Meeting we have as souls with another souls - do spirits communicate with each other as they do with me - images, words, emotions, senses - or is it less intimate.. like talking to one another? Is it more intimate? Like two souls merging into one as I see in old souls? How is a nascent spirit treated?
E. What does it feel like to be a spirit - consciousness wise? Is it scary? Is it wonderful? Is it easy? Is it explicable? I know what consciousness is like, I Know how it feels. I know how it feels on drugs, or drunk, or sick, or healthy, I know what it feels like to be in the so called Alpha State and be conscious. I know what it's like to lucid dream, or the normal wild dreams we just go with and see where it takes us. Is it lucid? Or is it blurred and chaotic and needs adjusting to? Lucidity. I hope it's lucid. I am too scared of any other state for immeasurable time.

On that last sub question, I want to change the flow of this. Being sick has made me experience consciousness in so many ways. I have adapted to being on many drugs and altered brain chemistry and patterns from pain and poor sleep. At first the medication was too much - I cried myself to sleep each night wanting to be sober, healthy's clear headed. And now, I am used to it and forget what it's like to be sober and healthy. Messy thought processes still scare the crap out of me. I was smart, clear, and fast witted. Now I have lost my edge at times. My high IQ before has wilted, and I struggle to maintain my mind in the jungle of drugs and sick - reminding me of when I used to drink a lot to numb the pain .. that lack of control. I fear being a soul is like this, but I am also comforted at the level of "used to" I am in this state now. If I wasn't so scared I could open my mind and ask the spirits for their answer. That is a personal quest for me - become okay with this.
I don't ask for pity. I don't tell many people about the level of my stoned sick consciousness experience, and here I do it for a purpose - for those of you who have never had altered consciousness - I wanted to explain the question of: what is a spirit's consciousness like?

I'll write soon :) And hopefully soon you'll be seeing embedded videos if I can muster up the energy! A spirit suggested it two days ago, and I was thrilled. She said it would be easier, and a way to explain better. Nothing explains subtlety like the timbre of a voice, the breathing, the pitch changes. And also a way to do readings. One day I hope to get off of disability, and she explained this was a way. I don't understand how, as my medical expenses can be well above a thousand a month. School is insanely hard when your memories fade at will and your consciousness changes day by day. She and other spirits have offered help in showing me. It's nice having a team of spirits in your corner!

I am going to put up a voting box soon - and so if you like the idea of videos instead of text (or a stagger of writing and videos etc) you'll be able to voice your opinion. Your answers are very valuable to me personally.

Your readership means a lot to me. In this body I feel so helpless sometimes - but don't mistake that for unhappy. I am quite a happy girl with you reading me and spirits talking to me.

Forge love in this world.. then in the next you'll find your life richer and happier.

- Someone sent me this great picture - sadly I don't know who took it - but it reminds me of the soul being shaped by our physical body. The soul are the roots, the paved walkway the physical body in our place in history.

- I used the Blog Press app to write this

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Moment of Death

I asked a spirit to come forward and tell me about his death experience. I typed quickly as he spoke, and left the spelling as is. I found it to be an interesting conversation.

"I died in 1958 in a pile of traffic. It was cold, dark, dank and filled with monsters (cars I think he means). I was driving one minute and the next I felt like the car door was the floor - and then I was dead. It was an instant. I felt myself slip aside then up.. no more like out. Like I was deep in water with no air left in my lungs. I expected to yearn for breath but that never came. My leg that'd hurt for years, I suddenly noticed it wasn't hurting. I felt like I should breathe but I didn't have the equipment for it anymore. I could hear Marty calling my name, crying, screaming dazed and it kinda woke me up from this amazement and excitement of this numb feeling. I couldn't see with my eyes, it was dark at first, but then I opened some sort of eyes, not like the eyes I had when I was alive but other ones. They didn't have lids it was just sort of an awareness that opened them. Marty was clinging to the lump of clothes next to him, I noticed it was a person slumped and obviously broken. I didn't realize then but I was seeing so differently, like the scene was in my consciousness, not outside in the world. Like my eyes were all around and encapsulating the scene. Like nothing I can fully explain. I was next to Marty, but also around him, above him, under him, you know? I saw he was sobbing like a kid, something I'd never seen before and I was confused until I was aware the body was me. It wasn't me at all, not anymore. I wasn't connected to it anymore. I didn't really have hands, but I reached out as if I had one and placed it on Marty's shoulder. He moved like he felt it I think. An officer was nearby, my awareness shifted to outside the car, the flashing lights and survivors moving in the scene. I was still with Marty but also outside. When it's your turn you'll see, we all get a kick out of it. It took a few minutes until I noticed my Ma outside the scene. She was dead and I felt pulled towards her, not like a physical pull but like an itch - I had to keep a date or I was late for an exam. God she looked so lovely. Her hair was all done up, her makeup, just like I remembered. But that's the queer thing, I remembered her as a little old lady, not this lady - but I knew it was her. It was a given. She welcomed me, loved me, cherished me and was so happy to see me. I was pulled around like at a party from group to group of my dead friends and family and coworkers and you name it. My dog Andrew was there, my pets all of them. All the friends I had that were dead were excited to see me. It was like I graduated and got to come home for the first time in decades. Oh yeah, it felt like home too, you know? Warm and like someone had just cooked me a grill cheese sandwich and my favorite show was on and it was sweet. I felt pulled back and forth between Marty and this great party. I felt bad because I wanted Marty to get over with his grief so I could spend more time in this great place. Guilty. I spent time with Marty until he settled doen. Word got around about my death. My wife, my sons, my daughter.. all crying next. They were sad I was dead and I was sad they weren't here to see the other side of things. There was this one moment where my 'Linda, that's my little girl, cried so sweetly and begged God to bring me back. I cried. I had no eyes, no breath, but I sobbed. The more I wept, the more she did. Then I gathered myself and so did she for the most part. She felt me! They all did but no one talked about it, it wasn't like "Hey Dad's here with us, I know it" - no talk of specters, spooky sounds, nothing. I forgot about the party, as I like to call it, and Ma encouraged me to spend time with my living family. She even came with me. Dad was there too, but as in life, he was a quiet man - few words and when he did say something it meant something big. I felt his strength around me all the time. Even as a spirit he smokes cigars. Pipes. Lots of us do things like that, it's the feeling of it not the chemical body changes. I lay down spooning my wife as she tried to sleep, talking to her, she would cry a lot. Alone mostly, around the kids she waas a rock. I stayed with her for a long time, sometimes I would leave for a while when she was okay. When things got back to normal, a couple years later, I would spend more and more time on the other side of things. With the dead people (he laughs) and their gossip about the living and the dead. There was this one guy, Phil, who I never knew in life, but was friends with my Pa in life and in death he took me to see all sorts of things. The big landmarks at first - like the Eifle Tower, the Big Ben type bridge, the pyramids.. he'd traveled a lot as a kid and young adult and when he died he took it up again. We weren't alone, we would meet other people doing the same thing as us. Sometimes we would see a death and help the fellow out. Sometimes one of us would feel the itch to see our family again, and take a break. We could pick up whenever. It's weird to talk to you about it. Before I died, my life was hard but fulfilling. It's like the others say - the living is a womb and the death is birth. We see the ones that off themselves before their "time" and they're more confused. I died before my physical time, you ask me about fate and I don't buy it how people used to talk about it in my time. In my time, fate was this detailed plan made by something really detail-oriented. You know we agree you don't want to bring religion into it, most of us refuse to talk about religion, it's a surprise that's worth the wait and makes everyone happy. Well except those sad _____ that are never happy unless they're criticizing, that isn't cleared up after death at all. Time, maybe, but not death. Back to fate, sorry if I get off track, I know you're unwell sweetheart. So it's not that I was fated to die later as an old man or as I did behind the wheel of a chevy. By the way, it wasn't my fault, the accident. Fog, night, bad bridge intersection. Fate was more a lot fo growth I had to do. You see old people dying and they still had a lot of growing to do. Bodies give us shape in our consciousness, life gives character, variety."

He sees I am tired and encourages me to rest. Allowing myself to be a conduit does take its toll, but it also has its rewards. Passing a kidney stone lately, hard to write as it requires attention otherwise used in dealing with pain. That's it for today :) Have a lovely night!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Sunday, February 16, 2014

An Open Message to.... ?

In a "vision"* this morning (see end for my definition of vision) I was shown around the home where this amazing spirit died - or where she spent here last 5-1 year(s). It is an important message. First, the description so the intended target of the message can really know if it is the person they think it is. Please keep in mind, during such full-ranged communication, the spirit's message can have bits and pieces of my subconscious/unconscious(don't have the equipment or team to test which lol) and so some details may be off but the whole of the image is there. I would say 3/4 is the spirit, and 1/4 is me. I will say when I think it's mine.

The Room

In a hallway (about the length of a regular schoolbus) I walk from a dark part of the hallway ( the hallway is G on my crappy floorplan tablet sketch, the top is the lighter area, I come from the bottom area) to the light part and the door is on my right. I think there is a second door too, but it could be a closet inside the room. The hallway is neutral beiges, or that could be the sunlight/artifical light sources.
Upon entering the room, the bed (B on the floorplan) dominates the room, but there is also a long and hipheight dresser (A on floorplan) to my right, and (F) a smaller dresser on my left. There are two windows (E) on (I think South facing) the wall as well as a large painting (unsure) which is an oil painting of a historical urban or architectural scene. I think there are horses. In front of the window there is a big CRT (tube) TV - bulky and made in the mid to late 80's - on top of a small entertainment unit (c) which sits squat on the ground. The room is carpeted. Closer to the second door (or closet) is a floor lamp (D)
The bed is a twin size, for one person, but the bedspread looks like it was made for a double or queensized and it is draped, yet centered. Looks like the bed was made but someone thought about taking a nap. The bedspread has red floral or abstract plant designs in red, with gold (metallic) threading that gives it a sheen and makes it a little rough to the touch. As I "test" the bed by putting my hand and leaning on it, it is less comfortable than I imagined but still not an uncomfortable bed, but it is very low to the ground, the boxspring and mattress on the ground. There are offwhite, clean sheets on the bed, they look almost like they were ironed or just taken out of a new package. The pillow is fluffy but, like the mattress, it has a groove where the owner had slept there for a long time.
The windows have see-through curtains (I might be wrong but I also think there were other, thicker curtains) with possibly some pattern to it but it's hard to tell. There is a yellow/orange light coming through it which I see as either streetlight emanations or a sunset/sunrise light.
On the dresser are memetos and curios. I think they are on doilies but I am not sure. I especially recall this pitcher made of silver or silver plated or even pewter, skinny neck and big base, a frilly metalworked handle. I also see little things that look very Black Forest in design. Expensive things that don't necessarily look expensive. The more you look at them, the more you see details and mastercrafting, hallmarks etc - that show the value unseen on firt impression.
The paintings remind me of paintings my grandparents have - well done in a slight impressionistic flare better seen from afar, of wealthy places and somehow it looks ugly to me. Victorian urban scenes with rich Victorians and wet streets, people with umbrellas.. but you can never see their faces as the impressionistic tilt of the painting only does details on things like horse bridles, ropes on ships, and clocks on clock towers. They are done by prossionals that don't care for the subject, but more the brushstrokes, the mastery. These paintings are important, but I am unsure.
What really weirds me out is in the piece of furniture the clunky TV is on. A tape recorder/player. It is too big for the shelf it is on. There is a lot of clutter on the shelf, the player, the VHS machine, books, little magazines like Reader's Digest or New Yorker or Betty and Veronica size-wise, and papers. Maybe some puzzle books or notepads. I digress, but she is reminding me to describe this the best way I can, she didn't enter a brain/body filled with pain and symptoms for nothing. She hated it hehehe. Why do I laugh at that? Maybe it's nice to share my sickness with someone? Segue done.
She plays the tape recording all of a sudden, pressing the play button makes a CLACK sound and I am surprised. It's people talking. It's a little echoey and poor quality, but I think it's at least mostly men, grown men. I turn it off to restore some of my calm, but it starts playing again. The TV turns on, the imagine quality is poor, there is a greenish tint and the frame is askew at the top and a bit at the bottom. It, too, surprises me. Both things disturb me more than they should, and that is part of the message.
It's hard to see the spirit unt now, but she comes to me, angry or upset. She is older, at least 70, and she is urgent and intense. I think she has dark, mousey brown/grey hair with silver hairs peppering, I think she has a braid or ponytail down her neck to her shoulder blades but it's hard to tell as she is slouched over in her upset pose. Her eyes are a grey with hints of other colours hard to certainly distinguish as they are milky, hazy - for effect I assume, however it could be a symptom of her illness?
The rest of the place was rather large, many bedrooms (8 I counted, but didn't see the whole house), many wooden architectural features - so beautiful and honeyed, varnished marvellously. There is pride in this house, pride maintained but detached due to death, and before that - sickness.

The Message

Most of the message was enigmatically hidden in the feeling of the room, indeed the whole of the house. Many questions arose in my mind, and I asked them as I wrote this article. First I work on interpreting the "vision" she enrobed me in, then I try verbal contact with the messenger. She went to a lot of trouble to give this message - and as the medium, it is a medium's duty to process the images and sensations before questioning - otherwise we show a lack of respect, preparedness, intelligence and most of all: empathy. She went against her worst fear to deliver this, the fear of being sick again. She felt my sickness and it tormented her with the memories of her illness. Mediums need to respect the spirit. The message might be time sensitive, they might not have time to find another medium with the means to broadcast their message. So now, the interpretation.
  1. Why was she so upset?
   She wanted me out of her home, not touching her things. She was angry I was doing that. The medium's position in the vision is usually a message in itself - usually in the role of the person for whom the message is aimed, or for who the emotions are aimed. It felt like since her death (or the death of the person she speaks for - but I am almost sure it is her) people are shopping through her things. What they want to take home, what they are "owed", what they could sell for some quick cash. The feeling of scrutinizing the items for value was a big theme. Like that silvery jug with the important hallmark and fancy workmanship. I also got the feeling the people viewing the objects for their monetary value don't know half the importance, let alone price, of the items they covet. It's easy to judge these people by reading this, but it is a complex emotion she was trying to transmit. The person was starting out on a new venture and could use the money, she knows this, but she wants the person to get the full value for the item they wish to pawn. If it must be taken, at least get your money's worth. She also showed me others doing the same thing, but hiding in a closet - and she wanted them (a couple was included in this closet) out of the closet. To me, this means she'd rather people be open, honest - most important, no sanctimony or self-righteous delusions about their aims and feelings. She knows exactly how they feel. There is no hiding from her now as they did in her life. She remembers every last detail now, she tells me as I type this. You want to pawn her stuff for money - okay. Stop beating around the bush and do it! She hates the cat and mouse games, the lies, the betrayals, and mostly what the money has done to her loved ones. Enough is enough, dammit!
  2. Why was she in the room so much?
She says she was feeble (as I started to interpret, she is now watching me type on a tablet with great interest - "I want you to get the story straight, I appreciate your repsect") and her mind was changing. It was like looking at the world from a carousel: dizzying, confusing, moving too fast, too loud. In her toso, below the left lung (or perhaps in the left lung) she had pain, heaviness, pressure. Also like a heartburn feeling but in the wrong place, her torso was thick feeling inside - sick and wrong. "My insides were melting and stirring that's how it felt." Cancer, I am almost sure that's what she had. But it's nothing I've seen before, it's highly perplexing. She didn't know, her mind did not retain, but she would like to know what it was in order to learn more about it. We all want to help the cause that captured us, right?
  3. What is the tape recorder about? "They were all strangers to me, I had a little security just in case. They didn't know, but I recorded them. The tape is hidden, I've seen it safe after my death." Her mind was so much clearer after death, she was let out of her cage. It will be safe. She has met a few mediums alread.
  4. Does she have a specific, verbal message? "Stop fighting, stop pretending. Stop circling around me and just do what you have to. It's hard on me, but I don't have a choice. We can talk about it." I will help you talk with her, I am not asking for anything in return, this woman has given me the gift of such a potent vision, fun and enjoyable. I do love a good horror-movie nightmare (so long as it doesn't involve my beloveds), but only if it's while I dream, and she has promised a doozey. She wants to talk, communicate, that's the second part. She knows you all are not villains, and not to be ashamed. She is happier and freer now, if a little homesick for the physical life, without the sickness of course. She is an amazing woman with so much to offer in terms of wisdom and experiences, and I look forward to communicating with her for a long time.

The Ball is in Your Court

If this is aimed at you, mail me and I will do what I can. Even if you don't want to talk to her, please mail so I can at least distinguish what is my bias in the vision from the message. It is essential to my continued honing of skills and sensitivity, so I will be grateful. But know, she loves you and her mind has returned to a stable and young etat which enables her to remember all the good times, all the things you sacrificed, all the moments you shared. You might be surprised of what she says.

I'm Always Learning

Although I am oft sick and unable to write, my health could be worse. She reminded me of that, even though I frequently use it as a mantra to get through hard times - I needed reminding. We can feel pity for ourselves, and it can be briefly therapeutic.. but like alcohol, drugs, gambling, and other addictive substances and activities: pout responsibly or it'll lead you to a dark place of feeling like you are worse off than all the rest. When people ignore you or seclude you due to your frequent griping - you may want to speak louder to get more attention. The louder, the quieter. They will ignore more and more until they are desensitized, so that when you need help, you will feel neglected and spiteful and alone. Her message here is a warning to me, as she sees darker times for me before the illness eases - but I share it as I think it is applicable to all of us in some degree. She lived through it, and in death - found a way to make some positive out of the negative. She assume responsability for her part, and even though there is bitterness, she forgives others for theirs.

* "Vision" is an impotent word for what these things really are. Spirits will pull your entire consciousness into their experience. Imagine you are actually standing in this room, you can smell the smells, hear the sounds, touch anything in the room, and sometimes even taste the food! It is my favorite type of vision and occurs when your mind is clear, calm, and open. They have access to your thoughts, and it may be very scary at times but it is amazing to behold and much more importantly: communication is done at an alarmingly intimate and yet saturating way. It takes training because, just like lucid dreaming, sometimes when you realize it's happening you get either too scared or excited and you kick the spirit out before the message is relayed. That can be very disturbing for the spirit, frustrating and confusing.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Does This Room Look Familiar?

Thursday, January 16, 2014

How Can Someone Who Can't See Ghosts Communicate with Ghosts?

Is it possible? Yes. Absolutely. However, it's not always possible for you to get a clear answer - or any sort of easy answer. For that, I am sorry for the grief you go through, no being should have to deal with death. It's the hardest lesson of this world, even if you can see spirits. I know there is an afterlife, but death affects me greatly too. Sure I can see and feel spirits, but spirit contact is not as comforting as living human. I think because when people die, they see a freedom so vast and wonderful, it's hard to stay in one place. They go into phases of focus, phases of travel, phases of watching the living - and that is well-adjusted spirits!
So, someone has died that you miss, and you didn't get to tell them something important - this is something each one of us could experience. How do you tell them? How do you set a date to speak with a spirit? The answer is simple.
Communicating with the Dead - Saying Something
  1. Choose a time of day where you can relax, set aside 10-20 mins, make it a date/appointment in your daily or weekly routine. Find a calm, relaxing place.
  2. Get objects that remind you of that person: photographs, letters, jewelry, clothes, keepsakes, lock of hair etc. This isn't for a spell, it's to create an atmosphere of welcoming that person, showing them that you are talking to them directly. This can work for groups or individual ghosts. The traditional place in history to do this is a graveyard, but your home works just as well, I promise.
  3. Take deep, slow breaths, about 10-30, until your mind is calmer and your muscles relax a bit. For those of you who do meditation, this should take a lot less (5). You do not need to know how to meditate, but it helps.
  4. Picture the person in your mind, and say their name, nickname, last name.. Just say them all in the tone/volume you would if they were in the next room. If you are in a place where people can hear you do this, you can think and say the name at the same time. The loudness isn't that important, but it tends to focus the mind - so just thinking/feeling the name when you say it is focus enough. Alternatively, and what I do, focus on the name of the person with all your mind and heart, you can whisper the name. Do that for 30 seconds to two minutes.
  5. Tell them you will set time (daily, weekly, monthly, yearly) to talk with them if you want this to be a regular date. Say it out loud. Tell them that you have something to say and you need them to focus on you for a short time.
  6. Talk to them. Just like you would someone who is being quiet and focusing on you. They are listening. They can hear you. Say all you need to, but they will tell you if they need to go somewhere - you will feel pressured to wrap things up. It's funny that they do that, but also important that you wrap it up as they may have to do something very important - saving a loved one, for example.
  7. If you want this to be a repeat event, tell them you will see them at that time - state the time and place clearly, you can repeat it a few times, slow and clearly.
If you set a date and don't bother to show up, they won't show up either the next time - depending on the personality! Be respectful and so will they. Be on time and so will they. Although if they were easily distracted in this life, chances are they may still be distracted. Be patient.
If you are worried they did not get the message the first time, repeat it the next scheduled time. Sometimes spirits are too busy with other things, they can divide their attention in many avenues but not infinitely. Repeat, repeat, repeat :)
Next post I will tell you how to listen for their answers. Thank you for reading, I am glad to share these experiences with you to help in the pains of grief. Although grief is an important part of our lessons here in our bodies, I strongly believe humans were supposed to go through it seeing or at least sensing spirits, our natural state.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Signs You Cat, Dog, or Misc ;) Pet is Seeing Spirits - Pt 1

  Something I get asked a lot is how to tell if one's pet is seeing spirits, if they are, if they can, or if they should be encouraged.
  I will address the latter before I continue: should pets be encouraged when they see spirits? Yes. In my opinion they should, unless it freaks you out. This decision took no time for me at all as animals are often my eyes when it comes to spirits that can't always communicate regularly. They call my attention to spirits when I am distracted, and often their body language is enough to let me know the tone of the communication.
 For anyone, learned in seeing spirits or unable to see spirits, it can communicate a lot to watch your pet when it is communing with spirits.
They can tell you if a spirit is happy, playful, depressed, angry, scared, lonely, or more importantly: if you are being warned about an upcoming or current event.
  Next, how can you tell if a beloved pet or wild animal is seeing a spirit, or many spirits? It's a tall order but I want to share with you my experiences seeing spirits interact with animals. I will divide this into different animal categories, starting with a universal species category.
  Before I do - there is a question I think you might ask yourself - why don't animals flee at the sight of a spirit? Well animals, unlike humans, aren't told that the dead are "scary" or "a figment of your imagination". They aren't ridiculed for seeing spirits, they aren't told it's scientifically unlikely, they aren't told "if you can't get it on film consistently, it's not there" and so deep in their core their ancestors have long accepted spirits as the norm. They exist, they rarely bother us, and oftentimes, they warn us of dangers. Many, most, also care about us and love us, guard us, play with us, show us where food is, and where to seek shelter. So many spirits make it their afterlife's creed to protect animals. Well, who among us wouldn't like to have a tiger, whale, jaguar, shark, bison or elephant as a friend? I'm sure there are many out there, but more would than not ;)

Before I digress into a novella...

How to Tell if an Animal Sees Spirits - Examples from Experience
  All Species
1. Eyes will follow something unseen with great interest.
2. Ears will do the same as #1
3. Their attention will be harder to get (I think because spiritual communication is much more involved and attention filling)
4. There will usually be a brief but perceptible pause after the behavior as the creature exits the spiritual communication "mode".
5. Familiar behavior! When a loved one of the animal dies, it can really traumatize the animal friend - just as much and sometimes more than its human friends. The spirit of that loved one appearing can make the animal's transition much easier - you might see the animal "perk up" and act like the person is in the room. For example, the animal will roll onto its back and expose the vulnerable belly while making happy body language (purring, wagging tail, etc) - or whatever behavior the animal exhibited when greeting the departed loved one, playing with them, etc.

(Including the All Species List too)
1. Specific barking at the spirit
They will bark at what their ears and eyes are tracking. The tone of the bark
will tell you what kind of communication is taking place - is it a playful bark? The spirit may be playing, indicating an "all is well" communication.
  Is it a territorial bark like your dog uses when someone is on your lot? This usually means a spirit is new to the dog's territory, and if you haven't moved within the period of a year - a new spirit could mean a newly dead person, a nomadic spirit, a concerned spirit who hasn't - until now - shown itself, or even a spirit looking for a new home if its home is now unsuitable or gone. I will post more about these kinds of ghosts soon.
  Is the bark aggressive, snarling, snapping jaws and even drooling during this? This could mean the spirit is trying to upset the dog on purpose to warn you, or, a rare circumstance: it could mean an aggressive spirit. An aggressive spirit is what most people call a haunting, but the word haunt for me is more a highly and long frequented place and a haunting in the ghost sense can occur out of the blue for just a few days. In either case, it is a warning.
  Is the bark fearful and accompanied by whines? This could be a warning or again, a sign of an aggressive spirit. Accompanied by the ears back, eyes big, urinating, laying down playing dead, regression to puppy behavior - contact someone who speaks to spirits after exhausting physiological causes through a vet. I am always here, mark the subject line *emergency* and my filter will filter it to a new inbox for emergencies I have (more on this later) - my address is (take out the commas , and spaces I add them for spam protection as the more spam I get the less I can go through and find actual emails ( I get about 400 spam mails every couple of days ) - until I can afford a better mailing system. A,roo,lu-deadconversations ,@, yah oo . C,a
  Does the dog bark at the spirit, then at you? This is a direct communication from the spirit to you. The dog is trying to "translate" the information to you. Pay close attention to the other signs the dog is showing you. Follow its eyes and see where the eyes go, this can give crucial clues. See if the dog is using a paw or snout to point at something. If the dog pulls a "Lassie" and tries to get you to follow it (taking a few steps, waiting, sometimes barking a bit, then as you come closer it repeats until the desired location where it can start barking, it can lay down, lick the spot, pounce with front paws on it etc) follow and then take notes on what it is showing you.
2. "Speaking"
Any dog owner/friend has heard the cute and amazing sounds that dogs can make other than barking. Maybe you've seen those adorable videos where dogs say "I love you" or "I want my ma-maahh" lol. Or the traditional confused sound "Baroo" or "Arrrru" or even the happy yippy singing type sounds.
Long strings of vocalizations without looking back at you can indicate a friendly exchange between a spirit and the dog. Spirits can communicate deeply with animals, able to exchange many complex ideas - dogs will then emulate the communication with these long talks. They aren't saying words as far as I can tell - more like sending ideas directly. Animals are so much more intelligent than the regular human gives them credit for.
  Long strings of vocalizations looking between you and the spirit can mean the spirit is trying to talk to you. They are communicating that they have much to say. The spirit might point at you frequently and so the animal understands the conversation is, at least in part, about you. My pets have always enjoyed a good spirit conversation, but although usually quiet, it can get quite wordy : )
  Short bursts of vocalizations can mean the message is clear and simple. If these vocalizations aren't accompanied by stressful body language (ears back, wimpers, growls, urination, growls) it's not urgent and just a simple message like "I miss you" or "I love you" or "snuff the candle before you leave the room". If the dog exhibits stress, the message is a clear and short warning, so be aware and take stock of your home - check smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors, oven, and other things that pose dangers, and take stock of your current situation and look for threats then be aware. If this happens more than once, consider it may be a health warning or automotive issue. Spirits won't warn you if it's something small unless you communicate with them on a daily and predictable basis.
  I can't go through all vocalizations now, I could write a book about how much I have observed with animals and their relationship with ghosts, but I must keep this post relatively short.
3. Digging!
Dogs that dig vigorously after speaking to spirits are doing so under the spirit's direction. I have seen dogs dig where homeowners later have found lost items they've pined over for years. It is hard sometimes as animals have different intensities of senses than us - if they were directed by spirits, or if they can sense something there. Corpse sniffing dogs can be drawn by their sense of smell to bodies deep underground, sometimes particles get moved by decomposers such as worms up to higher depths. I have seen a dog at a house I was brought to, digging where I sensed a big electrical problem. He might have heard the arcing of the electricty - or some other sensation - it's hard to say as the spirit in this person's home wasn't very communicative. I am a firm believer, however, than most of the time when animals find these things - be it bodies or live wires - it's usually their heightened senses. But sometimes, like when finding long lost items the animals never botherd with before, or weren't born before it was lost, spirits are the cause. The spirits usually point out the item to cheer someone up or because they hid the item in the first place. Sometimes it's time for you to use the item. Sometimes they hid it for safe keeping. In the case of hidden money, they show you just in time, that is: if you are listening!

Just like dogs, this includes the list of all species behavior.
I have less experience with cats than I do dogs and rodents, however I have some, perhaps enough, firsthand experience with them through the decades. Cats seem more tuned in to spirits than most animals, earning their historical place as spiritual animals.
1. Purring at the space where the attention is fixed is a wonderful sign. Don't worry when this occurs. Some cats are just purr machines and will purr at the drop of a hat, so it's a hard thing to measure. If the cat only purrs with petting or positive attention, then you know for sure it is a good encounter.
2. Tail flicking (rapid and sporadic) occurs, in my experience, when spirits are annoying the fancy feline. This in and of itself is not important, but if accompanied by hissing, hackle raising, or even growling can mean the spirit is taunting the animal and you need to find out why.
3. Hackles raising, growls and hissing, combined with swatting - I saw this about eight years ago, an aggressive spirit was causing a child in the household to have horrific night terrors and strange medically unexplained seizures. The cat would station herself at the child's bedroom door and when the night terrors would come or just before, the cat would act up. She started with a low growl, followed by swatting and hissing, and end up at a sort of grunting sound the owner would never otherwise hear from the beloved cat. She would jump up and bare teeth, a whole militaristic display! Then as the terrors subsided (the parent could not sleep during these fits) the cat, Suki or Suzie I think, would lay down and sleep quietly. When we helped the spirit to leave, the sweet pet did not do this behavior since. Aggressive behavior from cats, at the spirit they are following with eyes, while not moving from their spot could show a defensiveness, protecting someone or the house itself.
4. Talking, or long strings of vocalizations, usually mean the cat is happily chatting away with the spirit. This is another good sign. If the happy chat is ended or interspersed with hissing or growling or barking, it's possible it's an argument, warning, or threat. The cat can be pleasant at first, but when the spirit gets too close, too active, or even too touchy-touchy - the conversation can turn into confrontation. This isn't bad in and of itself, as cats like their personal space from dead and living alike, but if it is a consistent and growing aggressive display - the spirit has probably either outlived its welcome or is becoming a danger to the house.
5. Crying at the place where its eyes, ears, or body is focused on can mean the cat wants something from the spirit or that it wants you to get rid of the spirit from your home. It's not a good sign, especially if it is very out of character.
6. Licking the air or ground where the cat is tracking is a good sign, meaning the spirit is someone trusted, friendly, or at least not a threat. Licking the air usually, from my experience, is the spirit extending a manifestation of a hand.
From dogs and cats and the species wide list, you can see a trend. I don't think it would be within my power to list all common animals and pets at the moment, and so I will continue on another day.

It's easier to understand the situation your animal friend is telling you if you observe them carefully day-to-day and understand the way they communicate with You. Animals can do many of these things and not be seeing a spirit, it might be hallucinations or too much catnip in the case of felines, or even an animal eating fermented berries or fruit, or stealing a lick of your intoxicating substances (please don't). It is good to use common sense and to document the behavior, and to find ways to exclude other possbilities.
  Animals are wonderful treasures in more ways than our eyes on the next iteration of life. Spirits treasure them even centuries after death (perhaps more, it's hard to put a date on ancient spirits) and so must we. Caring, loving, and protecting them should be a primary concern - and then comes looking for messages of life after death, a sweet connection to help protect us and our animal friends.
   I will write more when my hands stop cramping ;)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The Rocking Chair, The Grabber Pt. 3, and the Line

Well hi there, friends, newcomers, skeptics and people who got here by accident! I don't always post on time, due to illness, but when I get to post - oh boy! am I excited! Spirits are my life. They support me, challenge me, confuse me, educate me, love or hate me, and most of all they inspire me and keep my curiosity going.
We are born, we live, we die, we are born. Born into the next place, the next life, the next iteration of an amazing cycle. How wonderful! Death is a loaded word. Life continues and evolves, we learn and grow - to what end is not clear to me nor any spirit I've spoken with.
But one thing they've abundantly clear is that humans stay human for at least centuries. The same emotions, the same curiosity, the same need to communicate with others. In this post I want to share three things with you that have happened lately, and each illustrates different parts of humanity that remain past the barrier of Death.

The Rocking Chair
In the living room of where I live there is a rocking chair. I can easily hear people rocking on it when I am in different parts of the house - we all love to rock peacefully sometimes. It makes a cluck-clock sound, either slow or fast, and due to the place it is set (on top of a central air vent) acoustics carries the sound all through the house.
Last night I heard it at 2am. I thought first: someone can't sleep and is trying to rock themselves to sleep.. Maybe someone got up for another reason. I start to worry, thinking they might be sick or in need. I'm a bit of a mother hen, so I went to investigate.
No one, no light was on, no tv was on. I then saw one of my familiar family spirits - the spirit of a little girl with a babydoll dress and apron, with curly brown hair. She is a family member long dead, about 55 years dead I think.
She smiled at me warmly, tilted her head to the side, and was amused by rocking in the chair. The chair iteself was not moving, but the sound was there. As she noticed it was keeping me awake, the noise stopped and she vanished shyly, as is her MO, giggling and leaving a feeling of a sunny day in her wake.
She likes to rock. She likes to play hide and seek, she likes to watch my family grow, she likes to watch TV, listen to music, and amuse herself in various ways. Other ancestors care for her, although she is old enough not to need care - she likes being a child. She likes being cared for and giving others a feeling of fulfilment when they care for her. She is still shy, still curious, still playful, still kind.
She can also feel cold brick, although she is touching a wall.. I can feel that when she communicates. I usually can't filter out sensations when spirits communicate - I get the senses all at once with the emotions and words.

The Grabber Pt. 3
If you are not familiar with the Grabber, it's a good idea to read the first and second parts. To summerize, he is a spirit that likes to grab my hips, butt, ankles and wrists. He also whispers into the ears of my significant other when he sleeps.. All of which is something I strongly ask him to stop.
Lately, on my recent visits to my significant others' house, the Grabber has again earned his name: he grabs me.
Dead, he still shows many human emotions. He is lewd, crude, and downright touchy-feely due to his lustful, desiring nature. He is jealous of my partner, angry at times. Angry at me too, as I get upset at his presence. He loves to scare me, he is power hungry that way, and when he manages to freak me out enough for me to react, he will often feel excitement, victory, smugness, and desire.
Dead, he still has sexual desires and thoughts. He still senses with his body. He still gets "physical" pleasure! Arousal, warmth, the touch of skin, the blast of feel-good sensations we do.
He still shows remorse, rarely but still. He can give me space and leave me alone after he goes too far and scares me too much.

The Line
Then there are spirits that are less human.
One day I was at my partner's home (it's a hotbed of spiritual activity, not sure why yet) alone, waiting for him to get home. It was dark and I walked by a window - dark except for over half a dozen glowing orange eyes. Darker than the fruit (orange), less saturated, and a bit more red. I will try to sketch it at some point. I sensed the spirits watching me.
They stood almost lined up shoulder to shoulder. They were "breathing" hard, like a rhythmic huff, not syncronized, as someone would in the heat of pure, seething anger. They were staring at me, all their focus like a hot pinprick.
No communication, radio silence!
I closed the curtain, more for mental blocking than anything else, but of course I could still feel them. I reached out and tried to communicate, but nothing. I tried to meditate and build a wall, nope. They then communicated a displeasure, a "territory violated" emotion. Anger! Such anger!
I saw them a few times after that, only the eyes and pitch-black bodies like silhouettes. Always at night.
Sure they have the human territorial emotions, and anger.. But it was closer to an animalistic communication. Like a wolf snarling at you "get away". Even the Grabber said a few words. I understand the Grabber, I understand the little Girl, but I don't understand this lineup of people.

Before I go, I would like to touch on a subject which was brought up to me - a pledging system of donations. I am looking into it, but I will also put a vote up to see if anyone is against this. I don't want to burden you with ads, and so this seems the better option. I also need the money, as being disabled and on disability doesn't allow me enough to live. I am highly dependent on a lot of people and one day I'd like to be a bit more independent. Making a bit of money would help me afford certain treatments and therapie I can't afford which would help my recovery, as well as getting my stress level down. It would allow me to write more and best of all - go on more field trips to "haunted" locales in order to post about more of them. If you want to comment on pledge-per-post donation on this site, please mail me at (sorry for the spaces, it helps defend against spam:
Ar oolu
Deadconversa tions
Ya ho o .
"Expect delays" should be my motto as of late, I apologize ahead of time due to my illness. A recent dislocated jaw has backlogged me even more, which was caused my my chronic pain making my teeth grind 24/7. Sometimes I grind so hard it displaces the joint. Hope that's not TMI ;) Spirits helped me a lot during this time - and they assure me the whole jaw thing will be fine in a week. At least I can eat solid foods again. Mmmm :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Monday, November 25, 2013

The Grabber, Part 2 - Update

It took some time for me to build the courage to look at the Grabber long enough to get a sketch. I scanned the sketch and hope to convey the body shape, the strange skewed head shape, and the erratic lines that terminate his form.
I was worried that focusing on him would call his attention to me some more, but luckily it had the opposite effect.

Not a great sketch, but it's extremely hard to draw something you're not seeing just with your eyes. The Grabber isn't a manifesting spirit, so the Other sense sees him like echolocation or like feeling a statue in the dark and then drawing what it looks like.

He has progressed in communicating. Last time the Grabber was doing what his name suggests - grabbing me. No speech, no communication of any sort.

Now we have a name: Alan/Alain/Allen
And he said one more word: ataxia (muscle dysfunction symptom of various illnesses such as ALS, MS, etc.)

That's all he said. Now he's a little more quiet and reserved. But his behavior has changed. He's gone from grabbing and pushing me (amongst other minor aggressive shows) to shifting his attention to my partner. He "kneels" (his body doesn't move like the living) by the bedside of my partner and listens to him sleep - sometimes whispering or speaking into his ear as he slumbers. I have told my partner and asked him if he recalls dreams or feels strange - so far no dreams recalled. I haven't noticed a change in his behavior (my partner) but I am keeping a watch.

Allen's energy is erratic at best. For some reason I sense his left shoulder more than anything else, and see there are freckle-like spots on them.. hard to draw as they move, shift, and even his musculature moves around. His face moves and changes shape, usually a skewed and coarse angle. The energy surrounding him is dark, like a shadow, yet electric. Black lightening. His skin is very, very soft - the softest skin I can imagine - but it's firm. He can be slightly warm or very cold.

He's naked, barefoot, as far as I can tell. He is not 100% there - as there are parts of him missing. Spirits do this when they don't think about a part of their projection - more on that later. Gotta split and rest.

Sorry I haven't been posting as much, I'm dealing with a lot right now and hope to post more soon. I have many things I'd like to share with you soon :)

Saturday, August 03, 2013

The Grabber

This is a recent experience I have had that's quite different from many I have had - updates will be posted as they come.

I have many disturbing experiences with ghosts that do not respond to my communications, but this new group of spirits is quite tacit despite the ample attempts to commune on my part. I want to tell you about the ghost I have dubbed: the Grabber.

At night, laying in bed and asleep - I am awoken by a violent dream and feel as though someone is spooning me. I am alone in bed. I figure it's just the dream, as I try not to take anything seriously until I am well awake or I feel like there is no emergency.
A lot of spirits like to touch me, hug me, caress my hair - affectionately. It's not weird. I smiled and figured a spirit was just trying to comfort me during a particularly painful night. I shrug this off and try and get some sleep.
Again awoken by the feeling someone is touching me, this time grabbing my wrist. I communicate firmly, "this is inappropriate, I do not like this, and please leave until you are ready to be civil." My wrist hurts but I manage to get to sleep again.
There are noises in the house, pops, moans, the sound as if someone is walking on the roof and another is gently punching the nearby door. Gently punching is weird in itself. I start to get pissed off - I want sleep - but at the same time: why is this spirit acting this way?

The next day, after a night of ignoring all these sounds - (the same sounds occurring any time I am alone in the house and sometimes when my SO is there) I am making myself breakfast. Everything is very quiet. The cats are (I am visiting my SO's house) asleep and calm. As I go to put the coconut milk back into the fridge, I feel a hard full-handed pinch (as if using all the fingers not just forefinger and thumb)  pinch my hip. I howl in pain as I lean against the kitchen counter to stabilize myself.  I ask my spirit companions to try and speak to this spirit as soon as possible, maybe try and keep it away from me.

Nothing else happens that day.

That night, it's cool and the neighborhood is quiet - only two crickets and thick silence. I slip into bed and read a little bit, put my book away after ten minutes and then turn off the light. I almost fall asleep when the noises start. The talking. Like many spirits, it sounds like two people talking in the next room - you can hear it very well but can make out very little. Muffled. Sounds like these ones are talking about someone in a derogative manner, mocking someone in exaggeration then laughing. I clear my mind and open it to the ether's conversations and try and see if I can understand it. I can make out a couple of swear words, but apart from that, it's like trying to squeeze myself through a cat door. Putting your "feelers" out to listen to a specific conversation, even if it seems close by, can be restrictive for various reasons. Perhaps this reason was that I was frightened.

Two days went by with nothing occurring, and then it came at me like a ton of bricks - someone pushed my back - two big hands - and went through me. I put up my defenses, a meditation where you build a spherical wall around yourself, and sat down so the next time I wouldn't be knocked down. When a spirit forcefully pushes through you, it can hurt a lot. Having a pain disorder, I cannot say how much it can hurt a normal person - but I can say it is not mitigated by any pain medication or alcohol (I am not a drinker anymore, it dulls my senses including spiritual sense). It is the same as normal pain in feeling, but there are a few things different - such as you are sometimes able to brush it off like the pain in a dream upon waking, and if you have other sensory input (like a feather brushing against you or the head of the sun) it tends to go away much faster.

For the next few days I get grabbed on my wrists, backside, hip, and ankles. The cats react to the spirit when he is near them. One hides or jumps, the other meows at it. Cute cute cute, but also off putting. Is it grabbing them?

Things start to die down in terms of shocking events until the day before yesterday. I was sweeping gently and slowly, getting the cat hair islands and the dust bunny ranches, enjoying myself (I am strange that way) and singing to the cats as I feel hands on my bottom. I assumed my SO came home and turned to give him a hug when instead there stood a dark figure with dark grey eyes and a jar shaped head and neck. His shoulders were bulky. It was having a hard time manifesting or communicating his shape (I can rarely tell when ghosts manifest or are just showing themselves to me through mind to mind communication.. I frequently ask: can you see that person? to people around me) - the midriff and legs appear and disappear. There are no other facial features. The spirit disappears. The broom is pulled away from my hand forcefully and drops lifelessly to the ground. The cats are hiding before even the broom's sound. One cat either sneezes or hisses. Hard to tell lol. I pray that it doesn't follow me home, and I take a break from it after an hour of showing I was not affected by his menacing behavior. Just like bullies, you cannot react in the way they want. You have to try and calm yourself. Although that's a little hard, and some bullies get mad at it, quite counterproductive.

That day the spirit also follows my SO as he walks around his home, watching him.  His (the spirit) noises sound like a tight throat emitting its lowest possible note - almost sounding like he is mocking both of us. His body seems almost tangible.

I hope I never have to tell my SO about this spirit. As spirits go, I think he's trying to get a rise out of us. Maybe he wants my SO to move out. Maybe he is just an a55 and likes to play pranks on us. The last thing I want to do is leave this place. It's my home away from home and a place where myself and my Significant Other can be together alone.

I need more data in order to understand this person. I have had difficult spirits before, but never any spirit that touches me so often. Pinching and grabbing. Right now I have my theories but I will keep them to myself until I am more convinced. I encourage you to contact me with your ideas as well.

More posts to come. Been a busy couple of months!

Yours faithfully,

Monday, April 15, 2013

Drones, Buzzing, and Sine Songs: Strange Sounds Ghosts Make

I was reading an article just now about Near Death Experiences (NDE's) when I read that some people experience a buzzing or ringing sound during these events. Some people without Out of Body Experiences (OBE's) say the same thing. Sometimes it is like a bug or natural sound, sometimes very mechanical. I immediately put down the article and Googled other sonic experiences of this kind. Many people hear this.

During my decades of experience, I may have stumbled upon an insight I haven't read about. Perhaps, perhaps not. The point of this log is to keep all these experiences public and written in detail and in truth.

The Dead make these buzzing sounds.

Back in the 1980's, when I first saw movies like Terminator and Aliens - with new computer generated sounds - these sounds struck a chord in me. The people who spoke to me in dreams and hung out at the end of my bed MADE similar sounds. The people who helped me at school that people seemed to ignore made noises like that.. As a child I thought these were imaginary friends, something to scare my friends with - bogeymen I had to shoo for said friends and young relatives in dark places.
Those weird sounds were too brief! I hated that!! I needed to hear more! These sounds felt good and felt like I had a memory that wanted to be remembered.
In the mid 90's I heard Nine Inch Nails for the first time, The Downward Spiral. More of these sounds, but longer. More of a variety. I quickly became an ardent fan. More sounds. Closer to the spirits' sounds. Getting further hungry for more of these sounds between albums, I adored musical artists like (in no particular order) Download (Cevin Key {sp}), Lustmord, Frontline Assembly, VNV Nation, and of course Aphex Twin.
(Tons more bands, but these will suffice for now, unless you wish to have a more complete list?)
They had managed to reproduce these very specific sounds using machines, computers and specific programs which generated fantastically sibling sounds to the ones my noncorporeal friends made. I needed these programs! I got a few of them and started playing with sounds, but also making songs as it was great fun and people seemed to like them sometimes. I remember playing with CoolEdit and Impulse Tracker one night with my spirit friends, stretching out a mix of sine waveforms with a recording of a screen door hinge married faithfully to it. Slow it down, speed it up.. Tossing that sound salad for a while till it sounded right.
"What is that sound?" I asked, no - more like begged the spirit.
"Us." It replied in kind of a shrugging tone. By tone I mean it expressed that through direct communication.
What a thrilling moment for me! I experimented more and more and attempted more metaphysical mimicry. Spirits were curious, interested, and sometimes maybe even offput by these sounds - offerring at times the ol' sentiment of: is that what I sound like?

But it isn't just sound. That is the missing element I was trying to find in my experiments - what's missing? The sound is identical but I don't quite feel "there" yet. Inside these sounds are direct, I wanna say emotional, communications.. But it's not always emotion.

I want to describe a few examples of these sensory mixes as best I can for you to experience. Each occurence and sound example described is a unique experience - not something wanting to be in the lexicon or English/Ghostish translation of ghost communications (as far as I can tell.)

- Imagine a robotic (reminds me of the old Cylon robot voice {I love BSG}) voice moaning very slowly low to high, slowed down and slightly separated by that decrease in speed - like a spooky mechanical vibrato. At the same time - feel an emptiness in the pit of your stomach. A deep worrisome emptiness that spreads length and bredth - panic attack's background sensation- brief nonimage flashes of what I can describe as black flaking gloss paint on slate - not the image of slate but its its dry thirst and smooth to the touch coolness - the paint is not paint but flaking skin being peeled off - the skin is dead, it doesn't hurt but feels wrong. Like peeling off skin from a bad sunburn after a few days of getting that burn. The gloss is the sensation on eye and finger of that gloss. A hugely variegated poetic language I adore!

- Imagine the sound of a corpulent wasp or bee - obviously bees and wasps don't have blubber but add that sentiment to the mix of things there - but recorded on an old timey microphone - tinny, scratchy, with infrequent hollow crackles. You feel as if you are twice as heavy as you are normally, your body overwhelmed, and your senses filled with sharp lime or lemon zest - not the taste, but the sensation you get from smelling lemon or lime zest - too much - in your nose - biting at your sensory organs.
(Note: During an episode of "Adventuretime with Finn and Jake", a line was brought to my attention - comparing the smells of a new pack of CDRs (CD's you pop in your computer to burn music or data on) to Electric Celery.. I loved that marriage of image and sense. Perfect inspiration to help describe these things. A surprisingly poetic animated "kids" series. I don't judge cartoon viewers' age. One can find artistic merit in some shows deemed for youth, inspiration, and of course joy.) Onwards!

- You feel ultra awake. A high pitch crystalline whining drone, a struggling, frail, and wilting mechanical sound ringing in the distance, meanwhile a hard buzzing sound migrates from ear to ear. Side to side really, as moving your head will not change it. At the same time you feel the force of willpower, someone or something wants something to occur so much that it might just happen. The feel of crenalline under a recently burned fingertip.

- Lastly for now, a simpler example. The sound like the beep of a TV test pattern coupled with some hammering "thuck-k-k" resonating hits. Little sporadic blips. You feel full, satisfied, sleepy.
(TV test pattern is that screen late at night or during technical difficulties on a tv channel - usually several bars of many colours, sometimes with the channel logo)

These bursts of sensory data are hard to put into words, and I assume they are harder to read and try to experience for yourself, but I want to record these thoughts as a way for us to possibly work out what this could mean.. And all we can hope to do is the best we can. I will update this article if I can find better ways of describing.

Many questions fill my mind that have haunted me (punintended) throughout hearing and experiencing these sounds. I have talked to spirits about these, and I have pointed out these sounds to people for some time now, and I have meditated. A few theories have developed from observations.

1. Effort makes this sound?
A lot of the time, but not exclusively, these sounds accompany a spirit's struggling effort. Trying hard to manifest; trying to move something, either inanimate or animate; trying to communicate when there is ample challenges in doing so; trying to influence the 'living', thoughtwise ... Trying to communicate with those deaf and blind to ghosts.

2. On occasion the sounds accompany sufferring - emotional pain and anxiety. A ghost called Herald/Harold/Herold (not sure how he spells it) recently (the day I started this article) came to me during a moment when I was reading dead conversations related mail.
He suffered emotional pain when he knew his daughter/niece/similar relationship to that was about to be put in a dangerous situation. The sound accompanied all his communications. He wanted me to post about her future situation but he strained through his worry and anxious pain. During a half hour, we managed to discourse a few items - his name, gender, worry, pain, the little girl walking into a difficult situation this summer. I told him after this article I am writing about sounds, I will write his plea. I have taken the notes and since he is not in a deadly hurry, we agreed as long as it is published before May 9th 2013 - she will be safe.
Anyways, whenever he would stop to figure out what precisely needed to be said, the noise arose. (Pink, wet spots on powdery light greybrown pink accompanied by a high pitched engine whine and pulsing pistonlike clucking.) it reminded me of someone urgently speaking - not fluent in a given language asking someone rhetorically "how you say...?" or "what's the word..?" etc then remembering the word they wanted to say and returning to full composure. Next I will post his message.

3. Distorted by crossed lines in the brain? Perhaps it has to do with some scientific process involved in ghosts. I hate to sound flakey, so please excuse me - but perhaps a electromagnetic phenomena accompanies spirits or their influence on us? The part of my brain that receives or processes communications from the Dead might cross wires/pathways with what processes another things like EMF. Or perhaps ghosts are on that elecromagnetic frequency, or ARE beings of elecromagnetism. Maybe I have that stuck in my mind.
Do other folk sensitive to spirits get these sounds? And why do people with OBE's or NDE's hear these sounds? Are they in fact the same sounds? Or something divurgent?
Oh - in the case I forget:
BNPF = Being Not in a Physical Form (c)2013 Luciella ;). I am playing with this as an alternative to ghost or spirit.

4. Perhaps my mind, or the human mind in general is too slow or inadequate in other ways to receive and process certain forms of communications the BNPF make? Like a smell our noses deem similar to another that is acutally quite different? A sloppy analogy but it'll do for now. Or like when there is a room filled with people talking, we can sometimes hear a roaring sound. I have a CD I meditate with called Ultimate Om (I don't remember the publisher etc, sorry, but I got it on Amazon) that has a large room (maybe hundreds of people) chanting Om. The combined "Om"/"Aum" soundwave oscillates as the different voices' frequencies interact to create whistling sounds, flute sounds and beautiful tones! A fancy/abbreviated way of saying those people repeating "Om"/"Aum" don't say it exactly at the same time or speed - and the group make different parts of that sound at the same time - in randomized patterns: those patterns become new overlaying sounds. Wonderful! Could it be this is what the noise is? Multiple communications from a single source (or multiple from multiple sources) interplaying to create brand new sensory input?

I have more theories but I am scared to overwork and stop this roll of being able to write more lately. I will write again about this at another time. And I will also do that listening list soon too. Feel free to remind me if you want to read it.

- Posted using BlogPress by Luciella