The gift I have, that I think we all have, that sense not yet accepted by the human powers that govern us, is a Gift. All of our senses are gifts. They aren't owed to us, they aren't our right, they are gifts to be cherished and used and grown and understood.
Being such a mocked and shunned sense in so many places makes it a challenge to hone the gift. We walk, arms outstretched in the dark, trying to find what works and what doesn't, sometimes going the wrong way for years and walking further and further away from what does work.
What helps me the most is striving to answer questions. Sometimes I realize I've been asking the wrong questions - sometimes I am disturbed, shocked, by some of them. Spiritual forms aren't likely to answer your questions clearly, or at all, and even when you get an answer - it's like explaining colours to someone who has never seen.
Try asking the scary questions or the questions that make you at least nervous.
Above all, want the answers intensely.
So what are my big questions right now? And know, I do not want to experience any of the answers first hand until I am extensively old and ready to shed the skin. The reason I want to know the answers is to share them, as a human in a human body, with others to alleviate the pain and fear associated with Death. What if you knew what the other side was like? Would it give you freedom to live now without the constant shrouding shadow of oblivion? Should we fear at the same time as wonder? Would you share the answers if they were detrimental to society?
The questions, however, are much less dangerous. I want to share a sample of my questions here:
1. At the moment of true death - that is, when the spirit leaves the body behind completely:
A. What happens to signal the soul to leave the shell? Is it chemical? Is it spiritual? Is it deep in our DNA or is it like plants sensing winter coming? The seed of the soul drops from its chrysalis? Are physical and spiritual closely mated in that process? Or does getting old separate spirit and body? I found a couple answers I will tell you about soon.
B. Are we born to the next world blind and deaf or do we emerge fully developed? Some spirits, I have noticed, take much longer to communicate and manifest to me after their death - why? Is it choice? When a soul emerges, do they have different abilities or the same and like a video game - we "level" what we focus on?
C. How do other spirits know we have died? Some, I understand, watch their loved ones until death.. but I have also seen spirits that were not watching the person in life - know death was near. "Word of Mouth" a spirit next to me says. Answer. Question: What if no one is watching?? Do we cross over the threshold from body to free spirit alone if not watched? The spirit shakes its head in saying "No. Everyone is watched. Tended in the nursery." "Never alone" another says, "love" "joy". How beautiful. How relaxing. I have lived my life always being around spirits, and I have worried about those who weren,t watched.. this is good. I have gotten used to showering, going toilet, sleeping, mating, crying, doing bad and good - all in front of spirits. It's a lot less creepy than it sounds, and they will mostly give you privacy when you need it - turn their attention away from your body and focus on your soul. Otherwise, I'd be a virgin for life - having family members' spirits watching me! Lol. It's a lot more beautiful and comforting and empowering.
D. In the first Meeting we have as souls with another souls - do spirits communicate with each other as they do with me - images, words, emotions, senses - or is it less intimate.. like talking to one another? Is it more intimate? Like two souls merging into one as I see in old souls? How is a nascent spirit treated?
E. What does it feel like to be a spirit - consciousness wise? Is it scary? Is it wonderful? Is it easy? Is it explicable? I know what consciousness is like, I Know how it feels. I know how it feels on drugs, or drunk, or sick, or healthy, I know what it feels like to be in the so called Alpha State and be conscious. I know what it's like to lucid dream, or the normal wild dreams we just go with and see where it takes us. Is it lucid? Or is it blurred and chaotic and needs adjusting to? Lucidity. I hope it's lucid. I am too scared of any other state for immeasurable time.
On that last sub question, I want to change the flow of this. Being sick has made me experience consciousness in so many ways. I have adapted to being on many drugs and altered brain chemistry and patterns from pain and poor sleep. At first the medication was too much - I cried myself to sleep each night wanting to be sober, healthy's clear headed. And now, I am used to it and forget what it's like to be sober and healthy. Messy thought processes still scare the crap out of me. I was smart, clear, and fast witted. Now I have lost my edge at times. My high IQ before has wilted, and I struggle to maintain my mind in the jungle of drugs and sick - reminding me of when I used to drink a lot to numb the pain .. that lack of control. I fear being a soul is like this, but I am also comforted at the level of "used to" I am in this state now. If I wasn't so scared I could open my mind and ask the spirits for their answer. That is a personal quest for me - become okay with this.
I don't ask for pity. I don't tell many people about the level of my stoned sick consciousness experience, and here I do it for a purpose - for those of you who have never had altered consciousness - I wanted to explain the question of: what is a spirit's consciousness like?
I'll write soon :) And hopefully soon you'll be seeing embedded videos if I can muster up the energy! A spirit suggested it two days ago, and I was thrilled. She said it would be easier, and a way to explain better. Nothing explains subtlety like the timbre of a voice, the breathing, the pitch changes. And also a way to do readings. One day I hope to get off of disability, and she explained this was a way. I don't understand how, as my medical expenses can be well above a thousand a month. School is insanely hard when your memories fade at will and your consciousness changes day by day. She and other spirits have offered help in showing me. It's nice having a team of spirits in your corner!
I am going to put up a voting box soon - and so if you like the idea of videos instead of text (or a stagger of writing and videos etc) you'll be able to voice your opinion. Your answers are very valuable to me personally.
Your readership means a lot to me. In this body I feel so helpless sometimes - but don't mistake that for unhappy. I am quite a happy girl with you reading me and spirits talking to me.
Forge love in this world.. then in the next you'll find your life richer and happier.
- Someone sent me this great picture - sadly I don't know who took it - but it reminds me of the soul being shaped by our physical body. The soul are the roots, the paved walkway the physical body in our place in history.
- I used the Blog Press app to write this